Monday, 6 April 2015

A Lost Of Hope

Soon, six days to be exact will be our first anniversary as husband and wife. There's nothing else to describe my husband, but he is just truly an amazing partner. No doubt that every marriage has its ups and downs, struggles and of course happy times.

How much of an irony that one year ago feels like yesterday, a lot of memories had been made. We have went through a lot for the past year. But I am glad that my husband is my pillar of strength. He sacrifices a lot for our marriage, and for my happiness.

I am writing this post because I am trying to heal myself. I don't ask for anyone of you to judge me because I am talking openly about this sensitive issue. But I used to express my emotions and feelings via blogging or writing, and it is only to my comfort state that I express my feelings out.

Last November, when my period did not arrive on the date it was suppose to, I was worried. But I waited, not in hopes to be pregnant, but if it was given by Him, I would be over the moon. But one week turn to two, turn to three and then it was two months. There's no one who knows your body better but yourself. Multiply pregnancy test but all was negative. It is either a yes or a no. And if it is a no, definitely there was something wrong with my body, I just knew. My hopes were depleted very fast as days past. But I was a google freak, and I was hopeful.

I went to a GP, and took blood test and doctor told me the results were to low to determine I was pregnant. Devastated, yes because I was like hanging in the middle of nowhere. I was in pain, my tummy was hurting all the while. I was spotting, I was feeling nausea, I was vomiting, but I wasn't pregnant. I do not have an answer to what I was feeling for that 10 weeks. But we were both were still hopeful.

On the 6th January 2015, having a little hope left in me, after around one week I did not go crazy on test stick. I apologise in advance if its too much information, but I remembered vividly what happened that day. I collected my urine in a cup, then took out the test kit and put a few drops as instructed. I went to wash myself and then without any hope left in me, I just want to look at the negative results and throw it in the bin. But there was a very faint line appearing on the test kit. I was in a daze. Deep in me knew that if I was pregnant, this baby couldn't have made it, it have been ten weeks without results. But I hope I was one of God's miracle and maybe there was a healthy baby inside me. Well, I forced myself to believe that.

I told my husband about it, and I remembered him smiling, and touching my tummy. I knew he hope to have one too. Eventhough I have never say this to anyone, but with that one line, it could definitely change everything. I was mentally preparing where and which doctor I want to go if I was pregnant, how to bring up my child, what are they suppose to call us. Yes, I cant help but to dream. It is not wrong to dream right.

But deep in me knew this pregnancy (or whatever) is not right. I cant be that abnormal that test kits cant detect my hcg levels. I went on researched, but never really knew. "Blighted ovum." The gynae or a GP never told me about this term, but I guess its the best describe what I went through.

I went to a gynae few days later, spend more on an ultrasound, and my prediction was right all along. I totally remembered what came out from the gynae word, " You had an early pregnancy fail, and the baby didn't make it." Again, I was in daze, I did not react, I let it absorbed in me. I was prescribed with a medicine to flush out my system to have a normal period again. As soon as I was out from the clinic, the first person I called was my mother. I remembered bursting in tears as soon I heard her voice. I could not stop myself from crying. I was in the bus, and everyone was looking at me, but I did not care at all.
Once my husband was on his lunch break, I burst into tears again. My husband is very 'slenger' I would say, so his first response was," Where is our baby? He pass away you mean?" Hahaha, yes, he is too cute about it. But he assured me things are going to be better, we would take whatever it means to be better and to think of the future. Indeed he does, how slenger he is, he is still an amazing husband to me. Who always put what I need as his priority.
I cried for days, but time had heal my pain, indeed. I believe in my God, Allah, that He is the Almighty. There is no test that we can't go through without his will. And Alhamdulillah, we went through that phase with strength, and indeed it made our marriage stronger.
And after a few weeks of being sad over this matter, Allah gave us another form of rezeki, which the key to our home! SyukurAlhamdulillah for that. We will be moving in to our little love nest in May. And there's so much I am looking forward to!
And also, my husband surprised me with a trip to Nusa Lembongan in four days to come! Yay,told ya my husband is the best in the world. It amazes me that he did allthe research and bookings all by himself. So proud of my own husband.
Thank you for spending your time reading what I have went through. Always, always believe that everything that happened has a silver lining. Do not ever, ever give up hope on anything. Do pray for us for our future!

And to add on, we both have amazing parents and family to stand by us and giving us moral support all the time.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Settling Down

After being married for almost two months now, I am glad things have fall into places. Like, I was worrying if I will be homesick since I moved out when I got married. first two, three days was indeed abit tough. But I am glad to have a very patient and understanding husband who was there by my side knowing I will be having trouble adjusting to the new environment. But my parents in law have been treating me like their own flesh and blood, blessed!
And I do still miss my family, and I can tear even at the thought of it! Haha, sucha crybaby! Other than settling down ourselves, we finally got our pictures and video of our wedding from our amazing PG/VG, Diziq Vidz Motion Pictures! Too happy, I could cry! Since I already have the beautiful pictures, I will post some of it here!

My bridal room is solely done by my supermom! I handed over everything to her on what she wants to do to my room. And it was indeed too beautiful, just the way I like it! Sides that, not only that I save money, I can always reuse everything that was being used!
Our solemnisation outfits were of our own, sponsored by the brother in law! Simply love how beautiful it turned out to be!

Wedding Car- Lotus Limosine
Nah! Our wedding car! Hehehe, kidding! But this bus is as important as escorting people to our majlis through and fro. But here is our wedding car! 
Riding a limosine onmy wedding day, checked! Hahaha! No, seriously, it wasnt our main plan to actually rent a freaking limosine as our wedding car. It was all impromptu and since we want our groomsmen and bridesmaids to be near to us often, so we decided to transport them with this. 
Somebody tweeted the picture of my wedding car, obviously under my block, haha, and I saw it went kinda viral with the number of retweets! Hehehe. But honestly, I was very pleased with the service from Lotus Limo. From the very friendly salesperson, Angela. To our driver for both days, which I apparently forgotten his name! He was truly patient and accomodating to our needs and those makciks, pakciks, adik sedare who wants to post inside the limo! Hahaha. But overall we were so happy with our choice of our wedding car! 
Also, having a few person personally messaging me and the boy on the limo even after weeks after our wedding! 

You can check them out here! 

Entertainment - MIS Entertainment & Events

Here's one of our picture taken by the amazing people from MIS Entertainment & Events on our wedding day. Yes, we were forced to sing, whichis totally a bad idea! Hahaha! 
Side that, Kak Lia, from MIS Entertainment was fast in responding my needs. Also, I know of some deejays or emcee being boring and making the guests feel bored. But MIS certainly did not. Love how they interacted with the guests, us and everybody around! 

You can check out the amazing crews, here!

So now that our wedding is over, next up is our love nest! Insya'allah we will be collecting it at the forth quarter of this year. We have choosen our Interior Designer and contractor and all. So we are just waiting for the keys! I still cant believe it that clock is ticking way too fast!


Friday, 9 May 2014

Phew, Finally!

So, where do I start? Hahaha, alhamdulillah that our wedding went pretty awesome with the help of amazing people around us. Its been a good three weeks into the marriage life. It is indeed, different. Hehe. I shall make this post a short thank you to my main vendors for my wedding. 

Bridal- Misyaz Bridal & Wedding

The one who donned us with the gorgeous outfits and made me feel like a princess on my wedding. Love the make up, to the hairdo, to the sanggul lintang and simply just everything. Having family and friends praised both of us on how good looking we were, we were more than happy! Thank you team Misyaz Bridal for making this king and queen of the day looking pretty! Hehe. 

Decoration - Misyaz Bridal & Wedding

Simply love, loveee loveeee the outcome of my void deck decoration! I asked for pink, (please do not ask why I like pink, haha!) and I simply adore the pink! I remembered they did start doing it on Thursday night and I already cant wait to get married. 

For my husband, (Husband sey!) his theme was a simple black and white. The decor team did a good job to it. But my brother in law's hands and my husband wedding planner, Yeni's hands turned the void deck into a classy timepiece! 

More of Misyaz Bridal & Wedding you can look up their facebook here!

Catering - Abdul Rahman Catering

I do not have the picture of the amazing spread from this super delicious caterer as of yet. But heres an unglam picture of both of us trying to literally dig in to our lunch. I tell you, if I can salivate visually, I would to tell you how much I love their food! Trust me, if you ever go to a wedding and they are the caterer, seriously, you gotta love their briyani, and personally for me the sliced fish sweet sour and sambal prawns, out of the world! Hehehe, exaggerate abit, but trust me you wont get dissapointed by them.You can simply follow their IG here! 

Photographer & Videographer - Diziq Vidz Motion Pictures

And three weeks after our wedding, our wedding photo album is already in our hands! So fast, I didnt expect them to be that fast lor, really efficient! They really kept their promise to hand us our wedding album within two to three weeks! Because I know of some people whom their Photographers really took quite a while to deliver just photo! And ours is like printed on the album not the slot picture in kinda thingy, if you get what I meant! Hahaha.

Other than that, as biasness as I could get, cause I simply love their work and the outcome of our wedding album, they are simply amazing! Even the boss read my blog, and acknowledge it! Hehehe. Now, we shall wait for our wedding video, patiently, cause I am pretty sure I will cry! And I am pretty sure, If I ever get pregnant, or want a family portrait in the future, I know who to find! 

You can check out this amazing team here! 

And yes, quoted by my brother in law, " Ramdan and Aishah kahwin kalah artis." Hahahah, we have I think three other photographer who replaces Annette who was supposed to shoot us. But sadly due to some shortcomings, she couldn't, was actually really sad, cause we are already comfortable with her! But I have seen the other two photographer for our wedding that was appointed to replace Annette, and their work were good! Problem now is, can I hire someone to upload it to my Facebook these whole lot of pictures! Hahaha!

Guestbook - FromDe Heart Naz

I do not have picture of the amazing crew of FromDe Heart. But they are amazing, I am pretty sure my cousins, friends and even my grandfather loved it! My photobooth was proudly sponsored by my best friend, Cha. I have always loved, and even dream on having them on my wedding day, and indeed it was truly a blessing to have my good friend to pick them to be a part of our wedding! Those pictures are indeed memories that we both will keep and laugh looking through it.

You can look up FromDe Heart here! 

Wedding Cake - Aziana Creations

When I first met this humble makcik, who is my friend's mother, I didn't know she can create magic with her hands. But she truly exceeded my expectation of a wedding cake! And everything that I wanted, she did it so perfectly! Truly love the design of the cake, and what is a cake without a nice flavour? The taste is also delicious! 

You can check this amazing individual out, Aziana Creations, here! 

Henna - Hennayanna

I do not have a proper picture of my henna currently, but I love the outcome and the design of the stain! No regrets changing my vendor of henna, after admiring my hand and leg stain for say close to a week. Yanna is a friendly person, and whatever design you want, just show it to her, and she will do her homework, and have it to your hands and legs! Other than the fact I hate sleeping with henna on, cause trust me it is super duper uncomfortable! But I love henna stains! 

You can check out HennaYanna over here! 

I am truly a happy bride I must say. Alhamdulillah, all was well. The weather was great, even though a few hours before our nikah it rained heavily. And looking through the weather forecast stating on our Sanding Day it be thunder and storms, luckily it didn't for us. Truly blessed, thank you Allah! Both our families worked hard, our friends ran here and there, it is truly a wedding for all, not only for the both of us.  

I am enjoying my married life, with my ever so romantic husband. Lets hope it stays this way forever, not only during the honeymoon period! Haha, insya'allah! I will post on our post wedding part two in another time, if I ever did left out some vendors, truly sorry! I do it in the future posts! 

Hugs and kisses,
Mrs Daeng Ramdan (Cheyyyy, haha!) 

Monday, 7 April 2014

This is it!

So what week is it today? My wedding week! Still feeling so surreal. Ive been receiving whatsapp messages from my friends reminding me its this weekend. Yes, as early as eight in the morning. I have great friends, no? Hahaha, kidding! 

Meeting with major weddings, checked! Huge relief? Not just yet! I have both great news and not so great. No doubt I am all excited about my wedding, getting married to my boy, to finally changed my status. Who isnt? I know my boy is going to be a nervous wreck when the time is near! I am too, just that insya'allah for me I can maintain my cool and composure. 

When I did my final fitting last Saturday, even my Mak Andam from Misyaz Bridal herself commented I am her easiest bride to be ever because I am not fussy and choosy and OK with everything. Hahahah. So whoever complains that I am fussy, you gotta be kidding rightt? But nonetheless, I am glad that I have did my final fitting and I hope I look at least pretty this coming weekend! 

Since I am busy with the wedding, I almost forgotten that we both have a flight to catch on the Monday. I have yet to even pack for our honeymoon, on what to bring, have yet to even exchange currencies. Oh dear! 

For my side, my parents has been helping me alot on the preparations. Thank God for having helpful parents! Evethough they may nag alot, they get things done, well parents are like that, arent they! Haha! My mother did my room all by herself which turns out to be so pretty. I have been sleeping in that room for almost two weeks already. Hehehe. On the other note, when I was about to go to work today, I saw my caterer 'parked' their big pots and pans already! So what does that means? I am getting married this weekend! Hahaha! 

Thursday, 27 March 2014

So who is getting married in sixteen days? Yeah, me! *jumps excitedly* Hahahah! 

The pressure is really on, alright! I am left to meet with our official photographer and to go for our final fitting next week! I can't believe this is it, I am going to get married! Hahaha. Okay sorry, because this btb is super excited, plus scared, plus sad, plus all the mixed emotions that I am having. I dont know if this will be my last post, cause honestly Ive been occupied and I am so busy! 

So, if this is the last post, please pray and give us your blessings. To those who I have invited, I really hope to see you guys soon! 

Thursday, 27 February 2014

Our Love Nest (Updated!)

Beside our wedding, and our honeymoon, we are excited for our future home together! Its so scary that it is building like way too fast, and we have yet to get married. Some estimated my mid of this year, some end of this year. We both thought it be ready by next year, 2015. Oh, what are we thinking? Hahaha.

So yeap our home is already in the process of painting the exterior. Actually I think we both are in denial lah, we think we have more time and time actually wait for us. But we soon came to realise it doesn't only when 2013 was coming to an end. It goes the same to our wedding preparations! But reality is everything is going on soo fast that we have time to hardly breath. (Ok, exaggerate abit lah!) But this is it, our home insya'allah will be ready by end of this year, or not anytime soon, hopefully! 

We have yet to engage any interior designer company to ask for quote and whats not for our home. Our main focus as for now is our wedding. My boy promised me after our wedding we think on our dream home, so now can shake leg a bit before the real thing come! 

Anyway, both of us met with our friends, and nowadays we always talk about house, since one of our friend is getting theirs soon. Renovation loan lah, furniture lah, aircon lah, where to send kids for their pre school. Realising that we are now real, reaaal adult, with real responsibilities! No more crap talk like about parties, clubbing, or shopping or lepak talking about nonsensical stuffs. Scary or what! Hahaha. 

Okay beside all that crap. Since I am moving in with the boy after our wedding, do I pack now, or later? I still cant believe it I am really, like for real moving out from my comfort zone for the past twenty three years of my life! Good thing about moving in with my future husband, my future mother in law loves to cook, and she cook delicious food! Hehehe. Sad thing is, I probably miss my family like crazy. Thinking about it can just move me to tears! I cant wake up in the morning to pee, and see my youngest brother out to school. I cant yell at the top of my lungs anymore to wake everybody up since I am known to be a very childish and loud person in the family! 

I had this conversation with my boy before, and I always want him to promise me he be there for me every time. Yalah, I mean I am in someone else's home, I don't know how long will I be comfortable. I told him to be like my Daddy cause the only man who can wake up early to buy breakfast for me is my dad. I remember once in Australia, as early as five in the morning I had my monthly period, and I had no sanitary pad, and he willingly went down in the cold, walked around 5-10 mins to the 24 hours convenience store just to buy me that! So much details, but I have a strong bond with my father that makes it difficult to be apart from my family. 

Enough about that, and I don't want to be seen crying, Haha! I believe Ramdan is the one, and will not disappoint me in any way, even though if you know him personally he is so much of a pain the ass. Hahaha. 

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Final Lap. (Or probably a few more to go!)

Yay nak kahwin already! It gets so effing surreal when these few days, weeks, everyone is commenting on me getting married in 45 days! Yes, forty freaking five days! 

Have yet to become a crazy bride to be who is bossy, runs around like an idiot and hate everyone so much. No? Hahahha. My days are basically of my daily schedule of work, and meet up with old friends. Speaking of that, I have a couple of friends who arent able to be there on my wedding day due to them being in overseas. I am upset, but its okay! They have send me their well wishes, and I am already thankful for that! 

I am left with collecting my baju nikah. We will be meeting with Kak Misnah from Misyaz Bridal for an appointment next week on our decoration! I have yet to make an appointment for my hair, my massage and have yet to print out the photo for our stand!

So here it is, forty five days left to our wedding. I have been getting congratulations wishes and i cant explain to you how happy and feel so much loving! hehehe. Till next time!